January 20, 2014
The doomed talisman paced her cell, all four of her hands clasped behind her back. Dawn threatened, and with it, the gibbet. ‘Ha ha,’ said the gibbet, ‘I’ll make short work of you.’ Just then an articulate strawberry vendor tackled the gibbet, bound and gagged it. ‘It’s about time,’ said the talisman, waiting patiently while the vendor smashed down the bars of the cell with a really big bludgeon. The happy couple then escaped to further adventure in the Realm of Devious Snow, where their escapades became not only legend, but beer labels as well.
January 19, 2014
Loon: For the 3 Question Interview today we have a tiny old elf creature called, I am told, John D. Rockefeller. Tell me, little elf, what sorts of magic do you know?
Rockefeller’s ghost: I will give you a shiny new dime.
Loon: That would be nice, but won’t you share a magic spell or even a single magic word with us?
Rockefeller’s ghost: Thrift.
Loon: Thrift?
Rockefeller’s ghost: I don’t chew my cabbage twice, boy. Don’t chew it once, for that matter. Never touch the stuff.
Loon: Thank you, little elf. Run along now.
(Rockefeller’s ghost enters limousine. Limousine wheels away.)
January 17, 2014
Brigitte got into evil robot mode by imagining a successful bare hand rabbit hunt and its bloody aftermath.
January 16, 2014
Brigitte Helm, when in character as the best evil robot ever in the silent movie Metropolis, thought about:
a. sweet, sweet revenge.
b. what she would do to a chocolate cake if she had the billion marks to buy one.
c. entering a nunnery and what she would do to the sisters therein.
d. bare hand rabbit hunting.
January 13, 2014
A few things about me you should know
The moment I arrive I’m eager to go
I’m plotting ‘Good-bye’ when I say ‘Hello’
That’s what about me you should know
One more thing about me you should know
If you ask me to travel, I’ll always say ‘No’
I abhor loud and bright, prefer soft and low
That’s a bonus about me you should know
January 12, 2014
Loon: Today we welcome for the 3 question interview a lady who was the mother of a famous musician, a whistler, I am told. First question. When did you first notice that your son was a whistler?
Whistler’s mother’s ghost: Why, from the day he was born, of course.
Loon: That soon. Wow. Was he always a whistler? Did he consider violin or cello, for example?
Whistler’s mother’s ghost: What sort of fool would choose names like those?
Loon: Fools? You think Itzhak Perlman is a fool?
Whistler’s mother’s ghost: If he calls himself Itzhak Violin or Itzhak Cello, whoever he is, he’s a fool. (storms out, literally – lightning, rain, the works)
Loon (wiping rain from his eyes): I guess that’s all for today.
January 11, 2014
When the life of the party wants to express the idea of a pretty woman in mime, he undulates his two hands in the air and leers expressively.
A very nice flowing sentence from The Female Eunuch. Well done, Germaine.
January 10, 2014
All the answers are correct, for the unicorn did all of those things and more.
January 9, 2014
This unicorn had a part in the film of A Midsummer Night’s Dream until it was expelled from the premises for:
a. goosing the director with its you know what.
b. scratching obscenities on tree trunks with its you know what.
c. ruining a shot of Titania and Bottom by walking through the scene with 8 doughnuts stacked on its you know what.
d. tripping, falling, and stabbing Puck in the leg with its you know what.
January 7, 2014
A really cool dentist would be:
Dr. Ethelred Killjoy, alias ‘The Badger’
A really cool garbage collector would be:
Sir Basil Slop
A really cool geology professor would be:
Professor Meinherr Klaus Dirk
A really cool name W.C. Fields said would be:
Snead Hearn
A really cool thing for me to do right now would be:
to shut up
