September 27, 2013
Whenever I visit Penelope
on the bank of the stream where she lives ‘neath a tree
I bring an assortment of her favorite treats
like mud sludge and pond scum and rotten black beets.
For this I’m rewarded with one of her smiles
and one of her bloodstained tooth sharpening files.
Don’t believe for a second I have one regret.
For you see, when I’m aided, I never forget.
Penelope did me the greatest of boons
one night by the light of the brightest of moons.
Oh, what did she do? You ask. I reply.
She tamed a wild beast under the sky.
What beast? Why beast? You ask. I reply.
What beast? Why beast? Of course, it was I.
September 26, 2013
A nice place to nap while Mama Gaia burbles a lullaby.
September 25, 2013
Oh, my word, what cutthroat bowling matches they had, girls against the boys.
September 24, 2013
When Blossom Seeley and Benny Fields were vaudeville headliners, they spent whatever spare time they had:
a. in the lab fruitlessly trying to develop a ray gun.
b. reading Kafka to their chihuahua, Roderick.
c. bowling with their pals, George Burns and Gracie Allen.
d. speaking easy, if you know what I mean.
September 23, 2013
1. Atomic sandwich bags
2. Do-it-yourself lobotomy kits
3. Braided worm bracelets
September 22, 2013
Loon: Today for the 3 question interview we have the highest unprecedented honor to present to you for the second time, ladies and gentlemen, the ghost of a movie star of unbound certitude, Mister Harpo Marx. Welcome again, Harpo.
Harpo’s ghost: (honks horn, grins maniacally)
Loon: First question. Could you really play the violin, or was that all faked?
Harpo’s ghost: (honks horn, grins maniacally)
Loon: I see. And did you get along with all those crazy brothers of yours?
Harpo’s ghost: (honks horn, grins maniacally)
Loon: Final question. All those ladies you chased. Did you ever catch one?
Harpo’s ghost: (honks horn, grins maniacally, runs away)
Loon: Join us next week when something else might happen. (remains standing awkwardly in place)
September 21, 2013
We have a smallpox scare here now and every body has been vaccinated, or is being.
14 year old Syl writes to her sister. I just very much like ‘or is being’.
September 20, 2013
Tommy did make the mistake of challenging Pat to a 3 mile run.
September 19, 2013
Besides for president, Pat Paulsen once ran:
a. a hippopotamus into the ground.
b. from Moline, Illinois to Wichita, Kansas wearing a lemon-scented orange beret.
c. the Bald Eagle Hawk, a small newspaper in Weed, California.
d. Tommy Smothers into the ground.
e. a zoo in Poland.
September 18, 2013
The marmalade man went door to door in his dark clothing. He carried his fired clay pot of marmalade hanging from his neck by a chain. A silver ladle he clutched in his left hand. At each door he rapped twice sharply. When he did so, a thin panel slid open and out was thrust a hand, palm up, holding a toasted crumpet. One ladle of marmalade he carefully spilled onto the muffin. Then he backed away with a bow, and the panel snapped shut. His pot empty, his route completed, the marmalade man thanked his lucky star, returned home, bathed, shaved, and locked himself in his closet until the next morning’s delivery of marmalade set him off once again on his daily routine.
