REJECTED MYSTERY TITLES
April 17, 2013
1. The Chamberpot Affair
2. The Case of the Laughing Snail
3. Death Wore Slippers
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DEAR UGLY
April 16, 2013
THE TRIAL BALLOON
April 15, 2013
The trial balloon floated over the rooftops of London. The judge asked the jury if they had reached a verdict.
The jury foreman replied, ‘Yes, Your Honor, we find the defendant guilty.’
‘Right,’ said the judge. ‘Bailiff, do your duty.’
The bailiff grabbed the defendant by scruff of neck and seat of pants and flung him from the basket.
‘Who’s for tea then?’ said the judge.
A song of good fellowship rang out from the balloon, causing the populace below to look up. A few of the bolder pedestrians joined in on the chorus.
The balloon drifted from sight and, eventually, from mind.
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BANAL INTERVIEWS WITH CELEBRITY GHOSTS – SALVADOR DALI
April 14, 2013
Loon: For today’s 3 question interview I’m told we are honored to have a very famous painter here, Solomon Dolly. Question 1: Mr. Dolly, when painting a room, is it best to do the trim first, then the walls, or the reverse of whatever I just said?
Salvador Dali’s ghost: Fish.
Loon: Fish?
Salvador Dali’s ghost: FISH!
Loon: Okay, okay, I didn’t mean to … Well, moving along, what’s your favorite fish?
Salvador Dali’s ghost: An owl.
Loon: All right then. Oh, look. Time’s up. Have to go. (races from room as Dali’s ghost dissolves into an enigma.)
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A SENTENCE BY ALLAN GURGANIS
April 13, 2013
To sit here, my engagement ring lighting up one streetlamp at a time – dying between – to feel that Falls won’t that great, it made my own body feel less healthy.
Powerful good image you got going there, Oldest Living Confederate Widow. Please tell all.
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THE FRANCIS X BUSHMAN KWIZ ANSWER
April 12, 2013
All answers save ‘c’ are correct. He did meet one lion once that he didn’t like.
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THE FRANCIS X BUSHMAN KWIZ
April 11, 2013
Silent movie star Francis X Bushman:
a. was a lion tamer before he broke into pictures.
b. lived outdoors with a free ranging pride of lions in the San Fernando Valley.
c. never met a lion he didn’t like.
d. once led several lions in an assault on Pismo Beach.
e. got the Ben Hur gig through a lion he knew.
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THE BRIDE WHO WAS ONCE A TURTLE
April 10, 2013
The bride who was once a turtle moved slowly down the hall and into the kitchen. Opening the refrigerator door, she paused and thought, blinking her eyes twice during the three minutes of subsequent silence. She sighed and reached for a lettuce leaf. She brought it to her mouth and consumed it, moving her jaw in lazy rhythm, chewing.
Meanwhile, the groom who was once a squirrel zipped and froze, zipped and froze, corner to corner, room to room, upstairs and down, searching for he knew not what. Into the kitchen he shot and froze, save for the darting of his eyes. Spying a stack of acorns on the table, he leapt and settled down to nibble.
They were married happily for 82 years and raised 16 children.
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ANOTHER LESSON IN NAMING ART, dada STYLE
April 9, 2013
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, CLAUDE MONET or
I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU, TEDDY ROOSEVELT or
THE CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE, A REMNANT or
THE DOWAGER WITCH’S FAVORITE POND
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POWER OUTAGE CULPRIT
April 8, 2013
The power was out around here for 12 hours earlier today. I’m sure this evil scrawny witch triffid had a lot to do with it.
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By this guy (grown old):
dochorton - at - live - dot - com
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5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
