April 7, 2013
Loon: We are invigorated today to welcome the one and only Charlie Chaplin to the 3 question interview. Tell us, Mr. Chaplin, why were you famous?
Chaplin’s ghost: I was a genius.
Loon: Some geniuses aren’t so famous. There must have been something else. What was it?
Chaplin’s ghost: My prodigious talent.
Loon: What do you feel was your greatest trait as a human being?
Chaplin’s ghost: My modesty.
Loon: Thank you, Mister Charles Chaplin, world famous Russian opera singer!
(Chaplin’s ghost swells with indignation, bursts into twinkles that wink away.)
April 6, 2013
Nevertheless, Celia wore scarcely more trimmings; and it was only to close observers that her dress differed from her sister’s, and had a shade of coquetry in its arrangements; for Miss Brook’s plain dressing was due to mixed conditions, in most of which her sister shared.
This is an early sentence from MIDDLEMARCH or THE TRIUMPH OF THE SEMICOLON.
April 5, 2013
Washington Irving’s wren bone pen was really cool.
April 4, 2013
Washington Irving wrote The Legend of Sleepy Hollow:
a. to pay off a gambling debt.
b. after hearing a joke about a horseless headman in a tavern.
c. to get out of doing an honest day’s work.
d. while taking a much needed break from dancing jigs.
e. with a pen fashioned from wren bones.
April 3, 2013
academia nut – one who memorizes the names of all the institutes of higher learning
April 2, 2013
If you stumble across attractive blooms like these when working your way through dense undergrowth while lost in the forest, turn back. For you see, these flowers are sentinels guarding the local witch’s cottage. If you approach this close, she already knows you are there. Reverse course with all possible haste.
April 1, 2013
Triffid troops assemble for inspection wearing camouflage headgear. Beneath the earth, their venom-filled bodies stretch out a good ten feet below their attractive lavender and green heads. Venom spray spigots are neatly hidden in the yellow camouflage.
March 31, 2013
Loon: I’d like to welcome today’s ghost to the 3 question interview. Welcome, ghost. First question – When you ran for president against FDR, what was your favorite meal?
Wilkie Collins’ ghost: I never had the honor to run for the office of president of your nation. By no calculation whatsoever was I deemed an American citizen.
Loon: Now that I hear your accent, I get the picture. It was your name, Collins, that got me mixed up. Another question, then. If you never ran for president, did you ever run to catch a train?
Wilkie Collins’ ghost: Twice.
Loon: Good. Now we’re getting somewhere. Finally, canary or parakeet?
Wilkie Collins’ ghost: By all means, parakeet.
Loon: Join me next week when I confront another ghost with the 3 question interview.
(Wilkie Collins’ ghost retreats, a white wraith, into the fog.)
March 30, 2013
“Eh?”
Sorry, Robert, I did not grok your strange land stranger at all.
March 29, 2013
Anthony did write a novel while punting on the Thames. His best kick traveled 70 yards in the air.
