March 28, 2013
Anthony Trollope, who wrote short novels during vacations between writing long novels,:
a. once considered trimming his beard, but decided it would interfere with writing a novel.
b. once wrote a novel while punting on the Thames.
c. tried writing two novels simultaneously, one with each hand, found it to be too difficult, and wrote a novel about it.
d. once wrote a novel inside a piano while it was being played. He was in hospital for a long term subsequently, where he was reduced to writing short stories.
e. got carried away when signing a copy of one of his novels for his haberdasher and wrote another novel.
March 27, 2013
Once upon a time a lackadaisical car dealership owner’s daughter traipsed into the woods hauling her wagon loaded with four 2 gallon jugs of brandy. First she met a wolf who threatened to read tax instructions at her. He was soon placated when the girl shared with him one jug of brandy. Continuing on her way none too steadily, the maiden met a noted crone, a witch to be concise. While pondering a proper curse to cast upon the brat, the brat in question lifted another jug of brandy from the wagon and indicated with a waggling of eyebrows its contents. Taken aback, the witch drank fully from the jug and settled down to nap. The dealership owner’s daughter shrugged and emptied the rest of the jug’s contents down her own throat. Weaving dangerously now, the girl almost staggered into the river, but was saved by a passing dentist with whom she subsequently shared the 3rd jug. Leaving the dentist comatose, she crawled along dragging her wagon with her foot until she met a horrible dragon with the worst breath imaginable, worse even than hyena breath. The last jug was emptied, dousing the dragon’s fire and knocking it into oblivion. The maid dragged the sweetest smelling blossoms she could find to cover the great scaly body. When finished with her task, she wept, laughed, wept, laughed, and so forth for a long time until she keeled over and would have had quite a tale to tell her grandchildren if she could have remembered any of it.
Moral: When you’ve got enough brandy, you’ve got all you need.
March 26, 2013
The sisters royal, Blush and Chaste, on an outing attended by their bevy of servants.
March 25, 2013
Welcome to the Hotel California
March 24, 2013
Loon: I’m told this gentleman composed music. Mr. Strelinski, was it hard to clean between the piano keys when cracker crumbs got in there?
Stravinsky’s ghost: Da, you bet. Even harder was the syrup.
Loon: I can imagine. Also, is it true that all musicians like to ski?
Stravinsky’s ghost: Da, that’s true. Even better we like the billiards.
Loon: Fascinating. And finally, Dr. Krokonski, do you have a favorite tune?
Stravinsky’s ghost: Da.
Loon: Well, that’s fine, and thank you, sir, for submitting to my humble interrogation. Good-bye, or as you probably say in your native land, gut boy.
March 23, 2013
1. The dormitory girls who had spilled out of the drawing room on to the terrace chattered like a parliament of fowls.
2. She was now circling round, vaguely wobbling, like a top near the end of its spin.
It’s not often one reads a tiny perfectly crafted gem of a tale such as the likes of The Girls of Slender Means.
March 22, 2013
For a run of years there back in the 1920s, Max was the most successful prosecuting attorney in all of Carpathia.
March 21, 2013
Max:
a. didn’t entertain often, but when he did, oh my.
b. had a long and lucrative career as a prosecuting attorney.
c. originally hailed from Jupiter.
d. wrote two novels, but ate them before they could be published.
e. really drank a lot of coffee.
March 20, 2013
Upon a once time there dwelt in a queendom by the sea the loveliest of pinks. And she knew it, flaunted it, snobbed it endlessly up and down the strand. ‘Am I not lovely?’ she cried out to ptarmigans and flying whales cruising by in the sky. She shouted it to a huddle of distant crakes. She offered her high opinion of herself to a sea bass wearing a straw hat and strolling for a bit of fun on the beach. The bass paused, doffed his hat. The lovely pink posed and preened. Snaff! The bass chewed thoughtfully. ‘Yes, by jove, lovely,’ he said aloud before dashing back into the sea and being consumed by a gelationous giant hormone squid.
Moral: Fish wearing a straw hat? Just walk away, no questions asked.
March 19, 2013
Little Red is this bud’s name.
He was scheduled to be called Clarence.
But that was before he wilded to flame,
and his elders practiced forbearance.
