THE VLADIMIR NABOKOV KWIZ ANSWER

December 28, 2012

The V-man lived on a train with his pet spiny anteater, Terrible Ivan, from the age of six to the age of 12. When Terrible Ivan died, Vlad left the train to pursue butterflies.

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THE VLADIMIR NABOKOV KWIZ

December 27, 2012

As a youth in Russia, Vladimir Nabokov:

a. became the youngest tractor factory foreman ever.

b. startled Muscovites with his spot on wounded bear routine.

c. wrote a novel outside in the dead of winter on the bark of a birch tree.

d. designed pants.

e. lived on a train.

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THE TRIFFID SLITHERS

December 26, 2012
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I suppose the loon shouldn’t have hopped out from behind the bushes and shouted “Boo!” yesterday when the triffid was in the act of slithering down to its venison cache. It really wasn’t all that funny and might have cost the loon a limb or two. Fortunately, the triffid has a sense of humor and told the loon to enjoy himself, for soon enjoyment just might be a thing of the past for certain species on this planet.

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THE LITTLE LEAF QUEEN

December 25, 2012
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The festivities were well under way. The Punch bowls sloshed. Conversation clattered and banged and rustled. The Lemon Drop was passed out drunk in the kitchen and in danger of being stepped on by the staggering reindeer. The Pool Cue splashed giggling from one end to the other, spitting a stream of water toward the diving board at the completion of each lap. When out of nowhere, the uninvited leaves descended, ascended and crashed through the walls and into the midst of the revelry, knocking it speechless.

“Make way for the Queen!” shouted a leaf with a curl of a snarl at its edge.

Enter Regal Red, rage quivering.

“Wherefore was I not invited to this … this …,” she sputtered.

“Putrid mess?” offered a minion leaf.

“Disgusting rancidity?” offered another.

“… party?” finally finished Her Royal Enragedness.

Tiny Tim, local Loan Shark, swam forward and said, “Queenie, it’s all about the big finish. We knew you’d crash us with your gang, so we held back the pick of the day old shrimp in your honor.”

Well, push come to shove, when all was said and done, believe it or not, The Leaf Queen bought it, and general mayhem was avoided … for the moment.

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TWAS

December 24, 2012
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BANAL INTERVIEW WITH CELEBRITY GHOST – DAVY CROCKETT

December 23, 2012

Loon: Today I confront the ghost of Davy Crockett with 3 questions. I’ve been told that you killed a bear when you were only three. With that in mind, did you ever kill a rabbit in order to be someone’s friend?

Davy Crockett’s ghost: Plenty times. I done polecats and possums, too.

Loon: Very interesting. What’s the first word that comes to your mind when I say Andrew Jackson?

Davy Crockett’s ghost: He owes me 8 cents.

Loon: That’s more than one word.

Davy Crockett’s ghost: He still owes me 8 cents.

Loon: Other than the 8 cents, was Andrew Jackson a good cook?

Davy Crockett’s ghost: Had to be. Otherwise, his wife would beat him senseless.

Loon: Thanks, Davy. Join me again next week when I’ll be hosting the celebrity ghost interview blindfolded on the roof of the barn.

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A SENTENCE BY JAMES M. CAIN

December 22, 2012
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When she spoke, it was in a whisper that sounded like a snake licking its tongue in and out.

I ain’t kiddin’. This guy dealt in some serious noir. That sentence up there is from The Postman Always Rings Twice.

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DYLAN THOMAS KWIZ ANSWER

December 21, 2012
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7 one-nighters in Wales followed by 7 one-nighters in Cornwall were the lone two weeks of existence for ‘Daph and Dyl’, eccentric comedy dance team consisting of Daphne DuMaurier and Dylan Thomas out to engage in a bit of a lark.

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THE DYLAN THOMAS KWIZ

December 20, 2012
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Dylan once:

a. toured Wales and Cornwall teamed with Daphne DuMaurier as the slapstick comedy duo, ‘Daph and Dyl’.

b. drained a full stein of beer the size of the mayor of Hamburg.

c. swam up the Nile to its source.

d. shipped out for Shanghai on a submarine.

e. balanced on one leg for a full 8 seconds.

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HOW TO GLISTEN

December 19, 2012
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1. Get rained on.

2. Pose.

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