Shortcomings 1. Mickey Rooney entering a room 2. Toulouse Lautrec arriving on a train 3. Linda Hunt emerging from the crowd Tallgoings 1. Kareem Abdul Jabbar exiting a room 2. Michael Crichton leaving on a train 3. John Kenneth Galbraith melting into the crowd
Fried Candy 12 kandy korn kernels 3 Tootsie Rolls 16 assorted gumdrops 8 large Milky Way bars 16 Hershey’s Kisses 5 cups lard almond paste Heat lard in pan until it becomes liquid and hotter than hell. Add candy carefully in the order listed above. After final Kiss, turn off burner. Allow lard/candy mixture to […]
Before Touching Down, Massive Alien Spacecraft Turns Horse and Rider into Frosted Rigidity
The Buckwheat Pancake and the Fox The buckwheat pancake, after escaping the pursuit of the astonished cook, rolled to a stop at the edge of a lake and looked out with a modest stirring of passion at a comely little island there. “Oh, what a splendid island! I long to get to it in the […]
The last word used to describe the loon would be ‘friendly’. However, when the subject of his toaster comes up in general conversation, it is always greeted with murmurs of, “It’s so very polite and friendly like, isn’t it then?”
The timid widow eventually marries successfully.
Beef Under Fire 50 beeves 8 cannons plenty of ammo Dig a trench 100 yards long. Herd beeves into same. Array all 8 cannons in a line 1/2 mile distant from trench. Load and discharge cannons. Repeat until ammo is consumed. Take your favorite spoon across no man’s land and dig in.
The loon abides alone in this modest retreat, the smaller of the two he owns. He reserves the larger one to house his collection of 2 billion pez dispensers. He built both structures with his own two hands and the hands of ten thousand construction workers imported from all the countries in the world beginning […]
Chicken Piano 117 chicken breasts 1 piano Pound the chicken breasts with a sledge hammer until your own breast is heaving with exhaustion. Scrape up the resultant slime with a snow shovel and deposit it adjacent to, but not touching, your favorite piano. Sit yourself down at the piano. Play ‘Kitten on the Keys’ before […]
1. Behave like a rodent. 2. Get more shredded weevil into my diet. 3. Take a train to Madagascar. 4. Host a buzzard-emptying party. 5. Micromanage a harlot’s schedule. 6. Learn more about Captain Kangaroo’s stock broker’s accountant. 7. Skip every other Tuesday. 8. Work in a nightingale factory. 9. Pay off oxygen debt. 10. […]
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Doc's Lunacy
5 of 5 stars to The Great Train Robbery by Michael Crichton goodreads.com/review/show/55…
